The loneliness of command
And how you can make difficult decisions easier to swallow
In another article, I talked about the impact leaky leaders can have on their team and it touched on how lonely a place leadership can be. In this article, I’ll be exploring this concept a little more and examining how to deal with the impact of making difficult decisions in isolation.
When times are tough, many businesses are forced to make difficult decisions about their future. This means it’s up to you, as a leader, to plan, communicate and execute those decisions. You have to look and sound committed to the decisions, irrespective of how you feel on a personal level. That said, most leaders still need to feel that their actions are in sync with their personal belief system.
All of which can make your position a very lonely place to be.
Tough (and lonely) at the top
Whenever I got into talking about the challenges of leadership or management my mum used to say to me, “it’s tough at the top!”. Meanwhile, in the Royal Navy, we used to talk about, “the loneliness of command”, something that was meant literally as well as figuratively.
Onboard warships, the Commanding Officer lives and eats alone. They are distanced from the rest of the Wardroom (where the other officers live, work and eat) and may only enter upon invitation. This is partly due to maintaining their proximity to the Bridge in case something happens. And it is partly due to giving the officers and them space to be themselves. That’s the literal bit.
The figurative bit applies as equally in business as it does in the Royal Navy. There are some things that those of us at the top of the shop cannot share with the rest of the team. Setting the vision is a key requirement of the CEO. You can delegate authority but you can’t delegate responsibility. This can leave us feeling isolated, both literally and figuratively.
Who do we bounce ideas off?
Who shares the burden of responsibility when things are going less well?
Who can we celebrate with when we get something right?
My own experience
You won’t be surprised to know I have a tale of my own about this particular leadership challenge. It relates back to a time when I was responsible for the management of two under-performing members of staff.
As can often happen in large organisations, previous managers hadn’t dealt with the issues and had allowed them to persist. I, with my military background and no-nonsense approach to getting the job done, was perceived as the forthright girl who could execute tough decisions.
As it turned out, I did make the difficult decisions needed, resulting in one member seeking new opportunities elsewhere and another continuing to bump along the bottom, doing what was needed to ensure they didn’t quite tip into underperformance again during my tenure.
I will be completely honest with you - it was a horrible situation all round. But I learnt a lot from it that stays with me to this day when I’m working with clients.
Just recently I was coaching a client who was facing a similar situation. They felt overwhelmed by the loneliness that came from having to be the one who made the tough decisions. As her leadership coach, I was able to help deal with both the literal and figurative isolation.
Not making tough decisions is not an option
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could just stick our heads in the sand and never make a difficult decision?
But the reality, in life and in business, is that’s simply not an option. If a business fails to face facts and take decisive action, it is doomed to fail. Sometimes as leaders of our businesses, we can get stuck in our own heads. We over-analyse, catastrophise, or can’t see the solution that’s staring us in the face.
This can lead to us inadvertently underperforming as leaders due to anxiety, stress or under-confidence. Conversely, stress and anxiety can cause us to simulate overconfidence and so we end up making rash decisions.
Helping leaders recognise those moments, and build resilience to carry tough decisions, is a part of the work I do.
How to make tough decisions easier to carry
So, as you can’t just decide not to make difficult decisions, what do you do?
In the words of Simon Sinek, “Start with why”.
But don’t just start with ‘why’ - stay in tune with the why throughout the process.
When you are planning the changes that need to be made, remember why you have to make them. What is the outcome the business needs in order to thrive?
When you are communicating the changes with your teams, remember why you have made the decisions you have. What will happen if nothing changes?
For example, if your business needs to cut costs, the changes you are planning will facilitate the longer-term financial wellbeing of your business. Failing to make those decisions means that the business will not thrive and may even struggle to survive. When it comes to communicating that with your teams, think about the long-term implications of not acting responsibly now. If a small number of jobs are at risk but you do nothing, how does that impact the risk to more jobs in the future?
Being able to communicate the why to your people helps them to understand that even unpopular decisions have been taken carefully, in consideration of full information, and without bias or prejudice.
Unfortunately for you, it doesn’t mean you won’t meet with resistance, anger, fear, or any other perfectly normal emotional response. But it does mean that you are able to have honest conversations with your teams, and that can help you to feel less isolated.
Are you feeling the loneliness of command?
Having somewhere safe to think out loud makes a huge difference. Somewhere you can explore scenarios, work out how to deliver difficult messages, and build the resilience to deal with the inevitable fallout.
That's something I help leaders with, one to one or through a Team Effectiveness Programme, so the weight of every tough call doesn't sit on your shoulders alone.
Fancy a chat about it? Book a free consultation or send me a message.
