Are you a leaky leader?

And how to make changes for the good of you, your team and your business.

Many years ago when I was serving aboard HMS Illustrious, a Chief in my team commented, “I can tell your mood by the way you walk through the office”.

In a hierarchical organisation like the Royal Navy, making a comment like that to a senior officer takes a certain level of confidence (and some might say courage). 

But, decades later, I can still recall that exchange with absolute clarity. 

Why?

Because it hit a nerve. It highlighted the fact that, despite what I thought I was conveying through my behaviour and body language, the perception by my team was actually quite different. And not in a good way!

In fact, I can honestly say that I was horrified at how ‘leaky’ I was as a leader and how that affected the people around me, including how approachable I was. Instead of being perceived as a strong and approachable leader, I was viewed as grumpy and unapproachable. And that didn’t bode well for maintaining a high performing team.

If I bumped into that Chief now I would tell him how glad I am that he had the courage to tell me, and thank him for the impact his words have had on the rest of my life. 

As a result of his words, I consciously took steps to explain myself to my team and let them know when maybe I just hadn’t had a coffee or needed 10 minutes to prepare myself for the day ahead. In other words, letting them know that, “it’s not you, it’s me”.

The trouble with leaky leaders 

Leaky leaders are leaders who unwittingly pass on their own negative feelings, whether that be through illness or motivation or stress or under-confidence. It’s perfectly normal that leaders won’t always be on top form, but unfortunately, in order to inspire teams, you can't always transmit that. It can make leadership a lonely place, which I've written about in The loneliness of command. 

When leaders leak, their teams will be on the receiving end of negative behaviours such as micro-management, the need for excessive control, or by having to manage the crises that these leaders often leave in their wake - take a look at the recent leaders of our political parties for examples of this. 

It can be very hard to control our own leakage. The more emotionally intelligent we are, the more able we are to know and manage our own feelings and subsequently, know and manage the feelings of others.  Helpful, positive relationships are productive relationships that in turn impact the productivity of the whole organisation.

How to prevent leakages from sinking your ship

We don't always get the luxury of working with people who are just like us and our role as leaders is to get the best out of everyone, not just those that we resonate easily with.  To do so, we must manage our own emotions and our own feelings.

Emotional intelligence is critical in order to stop your own leakage so that you don't permeate or affect the moods of others, but more importantly, so that you remain attentive to the needs of the people around you and to prevent a catastrophic breakup or termination of relationships with, or within, your team.

The cost of leaky leadership

According to the latest HSE figures, published in November 2025, 964,000 workers in Great Britain were suffering from work-related stress, depression or anxiety, with 22.1 million working days lost as a result. And after workload, a lack of managerial support is one of the most common causes people give.

Leaky leadership costs businesses dearly. There's the lost productivity, the time off, and if someone leaves, the time and money it takes to recruit and train their replacement. And nobody walks away feeling good after a catastrophic breakdown in communication or a failed relationship between individuals.

Very often our ability, or indeed our inability, to know and manage our own emotions can be down to our psychology:

• Are we too stressed and we don't have time to think about what's going on for us and the other person?  

• Are we struggling with our confidence?  

• Are we assuming motivations and perhaps Machiavellian aspirations in the other party that aren't actually true?  

The concept here about perception being projection is extremely powerful as if we assume the other person is behaving in a malevolent way, then very often we will read their behaviour as such. A lack of communication is likely to compound this perception.

Confidence as a leader starts with self-awareness

By understanding how you behave under stress, how your confidence (or lack of it) shows up, and how your team receives your leadership as a result, you can start to consciously adapt to the people around you.

That isn't something you can learn in a training room. It comes from raising your awareness and then choosing to do something differently. It's exactly the thinking behind a Team Tune-Up, which starts with how each of us shows up under pressure, looks at the impact that has on everyone else, and then agrees what we'll do about it. For leaders who want to go deeper, a Team Effectiveness Programme builds on that over time.

Wondering whether you might be a leaky leader? Drop me a message, or if you'd rather talk it through properly, book a free consultation..